I always find myself struggling with what to say when people ask me who I am. It’s mostly because the part of who I am that I most want to describe is not something easily described in a few short words – or in words at all. Each time I write an “about me” piece, it changes. I don’t think I’ve every written the same thing twice. Maybe it’s because I am constantly transforming or maybe it’s because I haven’t really figured out how to define myself. So at this moment, this is what comes to me to say …
I am Smadar. I am a child of the Creator and I am a creative. At this time in my life I am rediscovering myself as the true power behind the magic in my life. I spent much of my early life feeling afraid and powerless. As an empath those feelings were amplified by the suffering of the others around me. I lived a terrifying and very painful existence. Then, after a pivotal physical trauma, my life began to shift in a big way. I began to awaken.
First the song came – an underlying everpresent tone that rang in my ears, making me doubt my sanity. I didn’t know it then, but the sound was the Universe singing to me. Then the numbers began showing up … the 111s were first. I began to wake up every night at 11:11 and/or 1:11. Other master numbers would come later but it began with the 1s. As confused as I was about the appearance of these numbers, I think a part of me knew even then that they were a signal.
What I was experiencing was a wake up call – literally and in the most profound way. A sequence of signals designed to awaken a primordial encoded message had been activated. The Universe was conspiriting with my soul, and inviting me to enter a realm that made Alice’s wonderland seem quite tame. In order to wake up from this dream that I believed was my real life and begin living truthfully, I had to release every part of who I thought I was. I even had to let go of what I believed about reality itself.
It was a very difficult transition, but the Universe didn’t thrust me off a ledge and abandon me. Spirit sent me everything I needed in each step of the way. I didn’t always see evidence of that guidance, but hindsight lifts the veil that fear puts up. I think at some level – even if it was not on a conscious level – I did feel the support of the Universe. And that’s what got me through the painful, frightening moments.
As my trust in the Universe began to grow, my fears began to dissipate. I was able to hear the songs of spirit more clearly and more powerfully. The message I’m being sent now, at this time, is to share my experiences and the gifts that the Universe has given me with others who are also awakening to the song of spirit.